I’m gonna go all over the place with this one, so try to keep up with me.
Today I went to the Novus Ordo at St. Thomas Aquinas in Dallas. It was pretty much the best Novus Ordo I think I’ve ever been to as far as liturgy and celebration goes. They had Gregorian chant, the priest was reverent, they rang bells during Eucharistic prayer, and they even have a communion rail.
The homily was ok for what it was, considering that the scripture reading was Love One Another. Now, I am all for teaching what the scriptures read, but I’ve been Catholic for a year and I’m already sick of the God Is Love/Love One Another homilies. Even really good God Is Love/Love One Another homilies. I get that part. We get a derivative of “Love” every other week. Move beyond the Prologue of the Catechism. Please.
Sorry, it shouldn’t be a peeve. It really was a good homily for what it was. I enjoyed hearing about the parish and the family that they consider themselves to be. I wish I belonged to a Catholic family like that. The few times that I’ve visited that parish, I’ve heard about the tight family that is there, and it makes me long to be a part of a family like that. I’ve also heard that sentiment from a very popular Catholic blogger who happens to go to that parish.
This past week, I watched both segments of the PBS Frontline special on “The Mormons.” (If you haven’t watched it, you can see it in its entirety on the PBS site.) It was really interesting. It had some very faithful teachings, and some bits that I’m amazed got on the air. I thought it gave both a very interesting perspective on Mormon history as well as an accurate feel of the culture behind Mormonism.
We were watching this episode, and there was a section in the act about Missions where the little children are singing “I hope they call me on a mission.” My husband said, “Did you ever sing that song?” And I chimed in with the children, “I hope by then I will be ready … to TEACH and PREACH and WORK as missionaries do!” He found that terribly amusing. But there’s so many things that are part of me and my history that are just … useless trivia now.
Like at church today. We open up the book to sing the opening hymn at Mass today, and the song is “I Know That My Redeemer Lives.” I was like, wait, I thought this was a Mormon hymn? But then the notes were all different. But the lyrics were the same. I think that the LDS arrangement is MUCH lovelier than the version in the Gather hymnal.
Watching the special on The Mormons reminded me of how much I gave up by being a Mormon. Some of the ex-Mormons talked about missing the ties and the culture of Mormonism, and I could relate to that. I used to revel in that “in the world but not of the world”, peculiar people feeling. Being Mormon made me unique. Special. I was persecuted as a child, and even as an adult, by people who just didn’t understand. I wore my CTR Ring with pride – I’m even wearing it in my senior pictures! (I still have it in a jewelry box around here somewhere.) And in my mind, that made me a better person.
But I haven’t found that identity as a Catholic. I haven’t found the Parish that I want to commit to, although I think it might be the Latin Mass community here in Dallas. I’m not for sure, though. I haven’t made any friends there, and doubt I will unless they have a function of some kind or other, which they don’t seem to do often. They even talked about how protestant and Catholic and other Christian experiences were centered around the individual, whereas the Mormon experience revolved around family and community. And that’s true. Well, it’s my individual experience with God, not so much my individual experience with the Church. But you get the idea.
I don’t go to church because I feel pressured by my family or by my home teachers or by my community. I go to Mass because I am happy when I am there. But it is somewhat isolating.
Even the Temple scenes and the way that they talked about the Temple in the documentary made me sad. Even when I’ve seen the rituals, and the handshakes, in a book commonly available at Barnes and Noble, even when I know where ALL of the Masonic symbolism comes from and know that it is false, I still sometimes miss the Temple. I miss feeling special because I was “worthy”. I miss playing dress-up, with everyone in white. I miss the serenity and calm in the Temple. I don’t miss the Celestial Room. I was always lonely in there. I cried most of the time, begging God to please help me find my helpmeet, so that I would have a companion to sit with in the waiting area before the ceremonies begin. So that I would have someone to pull me through the veil.
Maybe it’s the idea of what was so great that I miss, not the reality. Sure, I could walk into any Mormon church in this country tomorrow and be able to go exactly to where I needed to be. I could sing the hymns and know what was going on. But would I be happy? Would I be able to feel the communion with God that I feel as I kneel before the Tabernacle before Mass, preparing to partake of the holy eucharist? Nothing not even close.
I know that I made the right decision by leaving the Mormon church, and I also know I made the right decision to become Catholic. It’s just that sometimes I remember that there will always be part of me that’s Mormon, at least culturally.
May 6, 2007 at 8:30 am
I can count on my fingers the songs in Gather that are worthwhile. It’s one of the masterworks of Bad ‘70-’80s Liturgy. I hope there’s a copy in the Vatican Library so scholars can study it in 2507. There’s an original Christmas tune that goes along with “Silent Night” that’s particularly wretched; something about sleeping roses lying under the show and sunlight.
Weekly religious rituals get in your BONES and never quite leave. I was watching “The Colbert Report” a while back with my, and he was reciting the Nicene Creed at a very high speed as part of a segment, and without really thinking about it I recited along in time. Another friend who left the Church fifteen years ago did exactly the same thing. My roommate said that she was scared. I laughed.
I identify with your problem of finding a community. Part of why I’ve been visiting parishes is to find a place where I can participate and belong. I don’t have any Catholic friends in real life…well, the ones I have tend to pick at the dessert bar of the metahphorical cafeteria. I don’t have a community or feel connected to anyone I see at mass.
I don’t know a lot about Mormon worship, but it appears to me that it’s really hard to attend a weekly service without people knowing who you are and encouraging you to participate in things. In Catholic churches, you can wander in and attend Mass, and then wander back out without anyone really noticing. There are events that you can volunteer for and groups to join, depending on the size and vibrancy of the parish. (I’m looking for one with a singles group. Ahem.) Being a part of the life of the parish was the historical Catholic experience in the US, but parishes don’t provide what they once did.
Attending Mass here and there can be educational and fulfilling in its way, but being part of a community that has fundraisers and social events and other things you can participate in is really important. I think that’s part of what you’re missing from Mormon life. The problem is that small communities like the Latin Mass one don’t have their own parish, so it’s hard to have a social environment.
May 6, 2007 at 6:17 pm
I was at the 11:00 Mass and heard the same homily. Love that deacon personally but that was NOT one of his better homilies. For the same reasons you mentioned.
On the subject of feeling as if you “belong” to a Catholic family/parish, my experience was also a feeling of separation at the beginning. So I will share with you what made the difference for me. The one thing that I had over you was that I wasn’t trying to find the “right” church. STA is my parish church and so, in line with Church teachings, that is where I go. What made the difference was once I began taking the step of getting involved in a group, one thing led to another. Suddenly I had friends, those friends introduced me to others, etc. Then I wound up getting involved in other groups (still not sure how that happened; as before one thing led to another).
My giving of myself wound up being my “gift” to myself in terms of finding my community.
May 7, 2007 at 6:25 am
The problem, Julie, is that not everyone when the only groups in your parish church are for senior citizens.
I don’t think that any parish has a place for young single people, though. The Church doesn’t really want us.
May 7, 2007 at 6:28 am
The problem, Julie, is that not everyone’s local parish meets their needs. In my case, the only groups in that church are for senior citizens. They have fundraisers, but those are for the parish school.
I don’t think that any parish has a place for young single people, though. The Church doesn’t really want us.
May 7, 2007 at 3:47 pm
Re: Joan’s first comment
I think part of the problem is not so much that parishes don’t offer what they used to, but that the social structure of the people in the parish isn’t what it used to be.
It didn’t used to be hard being a single person in a parish, because you were in the parish you had spent your whole life in and everybody already knew you. There weren’t that many single people living so far from where they grew up.
May 7, 2007 at 4:59 pm
Joan, your comment wasn’t showing when I wrote mine, which was primarily directed to the concerns mentioned in the post.
However, I will add that our parish has a singles group that, from all accounts, is vital and growing. It is one of the groups that has been there the longest, although the membership rotates, naturally, because it is inevitable that some people eventually marry.
May 7, 2007 at 5:21 pm
I am a Mormon that has questions about my faith. Perhaps they are the same questions you struggled with when you left Mormonism. I would like to get your perspective on my blog. Please come and comment on any of the topics that interest you. Mormonstalk.wordpress.com
Although I am questioning, I do still consider myself a “believer” in as much as I want to believe it’s true. I am still very active in the LDS Church.
May 7, 2007 at 5:26 pm
@Joan:
You have to understand, though that Julie D.’s parish is pretty much one of the best in Dallas proper. They’ve got TONS of groups, including Single’s groups, bible studies – if you want to be active you can be there. And their prist is rather orothodox. And they even have a Gregorian schola. In a nutshell, Julie D. is majorly spoiled.
Which is why I’ve been heading to that parish more and more these days.
It still amazes me that you are in a college town near a college campus and there’s not one parish with a decent single’s group. Then again, the church is much different up in NY. And I have had experience with “singles groups” where I was much older than the college crowd that made up the rest of the group. Yeah, that’s a hoot, let me tell you.
May 8, 2007 at 2:43 am
Yea, well, we actually attend two different parishes. One is more orthodox and the other more polished. But still, I really wish, having had the exposure to the LDS church, that we had more in the way of an organized “walk with Chirst.: I love Women’s Institute, I love Family Home Evening…. I love the intimacy of sister teachers and such…I guess the exquisite part of our truth is that we are open to everyone and everyone who comes receives the same Mass anywhere in the world. Still, I feel I would have to be a member of Opus Dei or a Benedictine lay person to really feel like I am actively belonging….
May 8, 2007 at 2:22 pm
@Mary Ann:
Yeah, I think I would have to get *seriously* active in church activities before I ever felt like I belonged. Non-Mormons have no idea how much time that being a Mormon takes.
I’m really torn – half of me loves that I can go in, worship, and leave without talking or dealing with a single soul. The other half wants more fellowship and sense of belonging.
May 8, 2007 at 3:35 pm
Repeat to yourselves “IF IT IS TO BE, IT’S UP TO ME.” A Mormon told me that, and it’s true. If you want to have groups going at your Catholic parish, straighen up your living room, make some Kool-Aid, buy a fun boardgame (I suggest Apples to Apples) and have some folks over.
Buy ten copies of a Bible study like “Seven Last Words” or something, then just look for people leaving Mass who have that lonely look about the mouth. Invite them to study.
May 9, 2007 at 12:33 am
Fool-proof tips for fellowship at your local parish.
1) Stop ward-hopping. Err, parish-hopping. Stop seeking the perfect parish. It doesn’t exist. It’s good to visit other parishes. But do it two or less Sundays a season.
2) Volunteer for things. You have callings, but your pastor won’t inform you of what they are.
3) Take advantage of evangilization opportunities at the parish. Bible studies, women’s groups, retreats, theology on tap, firesides by an actual fire. Force hubby to go to the men’s group. You’ll take a few items off his weekend task list if he goes.
4) Have kids. Everyone in the parish will adore your kids as long as they are under 5. After that they will be menaces, thanks to your poor parenting skills. But married people with kids seem to connect often. Married people without kids don’t. Not sure why, but it’s true. Maybe it’s driven by the need to share the misery, err, joy.
5) People who pray together stay together. Find ways to pray with your fellow parishers outside of mass. If those opportunities don’t exist, start your own group, and get other young couples to join you. If there’s not a whole lot going on at that parish, you can start something yourself. Then you will know more people than you want to.
May 9, 2007 at 1:05 am
Yep, I’m spoiled! Loving it too!
May 9, 2007 at 3:01 am
Everything mentioned so far is really possible at any parish, but here’s the kicker…you will find a lot of people who a) aren’t going to be scripture aware and b) by nature of the realatively autonomous nature of parishoners, you might not have the insitutionalized fellowship that a ward has… Heck…when was the last time you called out “hello brother Wilson!” or “How are you Sister Hawley?” when not speaking to a monk or nun?
We’re great with some meetings and established things like Altar and Rosary or even Midnight Runs and collected for a refuge family, but let’s face it, when the Mass is over, we’re outta there….
May 9, 2007 at 3:56 pm
Having lived eight years in the Mormon church I wan to give you just a small thought.
The LDS “activities” Everything from Primary to visiting teaching, is a control stricture. They keep you there by keeping your entire social life in the ward. IF you leave you leave your entire social network in most cases. I can’t tell you how many people I know you stay in the LDS simply because they know if they leave they will be alone — even though they have no real testimony at all.
The Catholic church doesn’t do as “good” a job in the fellowship realm as in institution. We could do better, many parishes are working on this. But the Church isn’t supposed to be your main social outlet. Fellow Catholics should fellowship one another in the spirit of Christ. This should come from us the laity, not the hierarchy.
May 10, 2007 at 1:46 am
I agree! However, in my experience with the LDS (and, I was continually a Catholic during it) I felt I was really “living” my faith. Yes, I realise that in the LDS your entire social life is the ward, but the sense of community and shared day to day belief system was quite rich. I know that my experience might have been different because I could never let go of my Catholic faith, so in fact, the shared religousity of the day to day walking the walk only served to let Christ in more. I often thanked the Holy Spirit for not letting me leave the Church, while opening my eyes to people whose faith and love of God was richer and dearer than I had been witnessed to before.
May 10, 2007 at 1:51 am
However, in my experience with the LDS (and, I was continually a Catholic during it) I felt I was really “living” my faith. Yes, I realise that in the LDS your entire social life is the ward, but the sense of community and shared day to day belief system was quite rich. I know that my experience might have been different because I could never let go of my Catholic faith, so in fact, the shared religousity of the day to day walking the walk only served to let Christ in more. I often thanked the Holy Spirit for not letting me leave the Church, while opening my eyes to people whose faith and love of God was richer and dearer than I had been witnessed to before.
May 11, 2007 at 8:07 am
Oh man, again – I know EXACTLY how you feel! I went to St.Thomas More Catholic parish (which is a terrible, almost Evangelical Protestant parish) last week, in addition to my usual parish.
The homily was “love one another,” which instantly reminded me of that beautiful Mormon hymn. Then we sang “I Know That My Redeemer Lives,” which made me feel absolutely miserable.
I long for the sense of community in the Mormon church, yet the Truth of Christianity is far, far more important.
I guess my thoughts are best summed up by your most recent post, about the visitor to Temple Square.
May 13, 2007 at 7:04 pm
Heh, thanks for making those points. I’d love to see a local Theology on Tap group here, but I don’t think I’m the one to organize it, seeing how I can barely organize my own life.
I’ve settled on two parishes that will be “mine,” (one is Novus Ordo and at risk of closing this year for renovations, and the other is Tridentine) and I plan to get involved in them. The Tridentine parish has a an adult catechism class I plan to enroll in, schedule allowing.
June 7, 2007 at 9:29 pm
I can completely understand and agree with all you but ESPECIALLY with Ben, John of MN & darcee!
However (& in reply to Joan), something to reflect on:
Exodus 3: 11-12
“And Moses said to God: Who am I that I should go to Pharao, and should bring forth the children of Israel out of Egypt? And he said to him: I will be with thee…”
Jeremias 1:5-10
“Before I formed thee in the bowels of thy mother, I knew thee: and before thou camest forth out of the womb, I sanctified thee, and made thee a prophet unto the nations.
And I said: Ah, ah, ah, Lord God: behold, I cannot speak, for I am a child. And the Lord said to me: Say not: I am a child: for thou shalt go to all that I shall send thee: and whatsoever I shall command thee, thou shalt speak. Be not afraid at their presence: for I am with thee to deliver thee, saith the Lord. And the Lord put forth his hand, and touched my mouth: and the Lord said to me: Behold I have given my words in thy mouth: Lo, I have set thee this day over the nations, and over the kingdoms, to root up, and pull down, and to waste, and to destroy, and to build, and to plant. ”
September 30, 2007 at 1:49 am
I am curious what made you choose to leave the mormon faith. I am Catholic (have been all my life). My boyfriend is mormon (all his life). His parents work in the temple, in other words they are a strong influence in his life. We have been dating for nearly 8 years and probably aren’t going anywhere soon until we can fully determine what our faiths mean to each of us. I could use any advice you have coming from a mormon background how to explain my Catholicism to him.