I am 36 years old, married to a very cute boy, and live in a loft in downtown Dallas. I have three cats which I love dearly, as well as two Ryukin goldfish and a Chilean Rose tarantula. I work for a Big German Company as an administrative assistant/reporting analyst.
This blog is my story, not necessarily out of the LDS church, but definitely into the Catholic church. To help people understand why I left the church and my life experience in the church, I’ll give a little bit of back story. Obviously, there’s many more tales than this, and I share them often in my blog. But this is a good timeline of the story.
I was raised in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, also known as the Mormons or the LDS church. I was LDS until I was about 21. Until this point, my testimony was strong. I really never doubted the church up until this point. Then, long story short, I got a hold of some “anti” literature, read anti literature like a fiend, and became “inactive” in the church. My testimony came tumbling down like a pile of bricks. It was gone … all gone. Not only my testimony in the Book of Mormon, but of God, and of Christ and the truthfulness of the Bible.
After leaving the church with my (then) boyfriend, and then breaking up with said boyfriend, I started going to the Catholic church and attending RCIA classes. I never had any formal initiation into the Catholic church at this time, nor did I go to classes for very long. But I knew I was drawn to the Catholic church.
For whatever reason, I can’t remember what (it probably involved my social life), I stopped going. I got out of college, and dabbled in Wicca for about a year or so. While I never joined a coven, I read like crazy about it. I also attended a Unitarian Universalist church for a while.
When I was almost 27, I had a bit of a “Come to Jesus” moment with my life and I decided to give the Mormon church one more try. Just one. But I was going to do it *right* this time. I went to a singles ward, paid tithing, prayed constantly and fervently, held callings, and even went through the temple to receive my endowments. This is a very serious commitment for any Mormon to take. I did this for three years and – nothing. No validation of God, or of Christ, or of the truth of the church.
I always felt out of place in the church at this point in my life. I was doing everything right, and yet I felt like a failure. The Singles Wards that I attended made me feel freakishly old, and the family wards I attended made me feel like I was a child because I was not married, even though I was in my late 20’s with a college degree, my own place to live and a career.
I first tried the Fort Worth Singles Ward, where I had one friend, Susan N. Everyone else treated me with boredom at best, disdain at worst. I went to church every week, went to “Family Home Evening”, and served as the ward librarian. I also went to Singles Ward dances all over the Metroplex, after-church dinners, Missionary homecomings, Institute classes, and every other activity that the ward had. During this period, I read the Book of Mormon cover to cover, and went to several sessions at the Temple to do baptisms for the dead. I paid my tithing regularly, and prayed as often as I could for validation for my beliefs. I went to the Fort Worth Singles Ward for about a year or so.
I believe I moved wards when I had a falling out with a friend. Or more appropriately, my “best friend” started dating the boy that I knew was “the one”. (They ended up getting married, I think.) That was just too much for my fragile heart to bear. I felt it was time for me to be with the grown-ups anyway, since I was really pushing my late 20’s by then and was determined to find a place where I “fit in”.
I moved to the Fort Worth Second Branch, where I had to go as a “stake calling” because even though the building was only 10 minutes from my house and my “stake center” was 25 minutes away, I wasn’t in their ward boundaries and had to get permission to go to church there. My calling was as the first counselor in the Primary presidency. I spent a LOT of time with the missionaries (the only people my age in the ward) and spent a lot of time with the different people of the ward as a dinner and home guest. The bishop’s wife and Primary president kind of took me under their wing and made it their mission to take care of me.
I attended there for close to a year, and this is the ward where I went to my Temple Prep classes. Although I felt ready to receive my endowments on my 28th birthday, I was not allowed to go until about June of that year because my bishop would not give me my recommend. I stayed in that ward until the family I rented from kicked me out (wife was a few tacos short of a combination plate when she wasn’t on her meds), and I moved to another region so I could correspond with a missionary I had fallen hopelessly in love with. This was in December of 2000.
(By the way … that doesn’t work. I wasn’t “allowed” to correspond with him until he got off of his mission.)
So I moved from Fort Worth to Grand Prairie, TX. I went to a family ward for about a month until that woman-child thing became too much to bear. I was friends with a recent high school graduate who was in the ward, and they treated us as equals and I mean that in the WORST way possible. I sporadically attended the Dallas South Singles Ward for about a year after that.
It was around this time that I gave up hope in ever gaining a testimony. I went to the Temple over and over, and cried in the Celestial room, begging and praying for just a smidgen of a testimony. I knew I was doing everything I was supposed to be doing, and yet I was not being given an answer. Each week of friendlessness in the Singles Wards was taking its toll on my self esteem, and I held out for all hope that “my missionary” would come back and help me to restore the testimony that I was again quickly losing. I knew that if I just had a testimony, all the work, all the pain, all the sacrifice and time would be worth it. I knew I could hold out hope, with no friends, no love, no fulfilling of promises, if I could just gain that testimony. If never-mo’s could gain it after reading just a part of the scriptures and praying with missionaries, why could I not receive this one, simple promise?
I have a long story about what happened in that singles ward, but here’s the short version. I stopped going for a couple of months due to a very bad bout of agoraphobia, so when I started feeling better and went back to church, I went to the Bishop to get on the right track to get my Temple Recommend renewed. I knew that “my missionary” was coming back (I had waited over a year at this point to see him again, and we had started corresponding) and wanted to be temple-worthy, at least on paper, for when we saw each other again. The bishop acted in a way that was so harsh and abrupt, and not in a loving way, that I went to the Relief Society president and cried for an hour. Very soon after that, the missionary I had fallen so hopelessly in love with came back to visit his mission area, and with both of us free and single, I realized that it was never ever going to happen. With my testimony long-gone, my doubt of the authority of the priesthood changed to total certainty of its falsehood, and the final thread of hope for Mormon love gone, I found no more reason to continue to attend the Mormon church.
Soon after my final bout of inactivity, around 2001, I met my husband. We dated, we got married. He’s a baptized Catholic, but never went to church, and was only baptized to appease his grandparents on his mother’s side. As a couple, we’ve only attended the Catholic church a handful of times, to my parent’s Mormon church, to a local Mormon church (during a time of extreme crisis), and to a couple of Catholic weddings as well as a few key times during my conversion. We did try to go to a Unitarian church, but that didn’t work at all either.
In October of 2005, we went to a Catholic wedding that stirred something inside of me. I began investigating the Catholic church and joined my RCIA class in my local parish. This blog started at the beginning of that journey, and continues with my life as a Catholic.
April 24, 2007 at 2:25 am
Wow, that’s quite a story. It sounds like you have been on an emotional rollercoaster there.
I’m sorry for the ride that you have been on.
I am concerned what were you doing in the temple without a testimony? In order to get a temple recommend you would have knowingly had to answer that “Yes” you believed the things of the church to be true in order to reveive a temple recommend. Why did you lie to get into the temple, to get a testimony? A testimony is supposed to be a precursor for the temple. Well, that’s definitely not the order of operations. I can see that you are hurt. It is expressed clearly here on this website. It appears to be the reason why you blamed the church. Your activity in the church and your testimony was crutched on missionaries? You tried wicca, Unitarian, and then Catholic. I have baptized a wiccan and a Catholic. It’s kind of an oddity, one of the last ladies that I baptized on mission was Catholic. She worked in a convent, taking care of elderly nuns, for 25 years. One day, she simply called us up and said she wanted to be taught and baptized. She now lives on the outskirts of Dallas. Sister, whatever you do good luck on your journey in following Christ. I know that as you truly seek to find him, you will.
April 24, 2007 at 3:00 pm
I had a testimony. I didn’t “know that the church was true” and “know that Joseph Smith was a prophet of God”, but I believed that it was probably true. I felt confident that what I was doing wasn’t bad. Does that make sense? I figured that if I prayed and tithed and read the Book of Mormon all the way through and went through the temple, that my questions would be answered, my doubt would be quenched, my faith would be complete.
Well, my questions weren’t answered, my doubt only grew and my faith was still fractured, incomplete.
I didn’t go into the temple to deceive, I went in the temple with great hope that the “final answers” lied within. I went with hope, and with as much faith as I could muster at the time. But I didn’t “fake it” just to learn the secrets.
My activity in the church was crutched on the hope that if I just did the right thing, said the right prayer, read the right scripture that the promise in Moroni 10 would be given to me. Each time it wasn’t answered, I felt more worthless, more hopeless. More of a failure. I prayed that the lonliness I felt would go away, that it would be filled with truthfulness, and with hope. It never was.
April 24, 2007 at 5:28 pm
I don’t understand what you are going through, but I empathize with you.
Why do you try to tear down what makes milions of us happy; what brings us closer to Christ?
April 24, 2007 at 5:39 pm
Because I believe it to be based on a lie. Why do you come on here and try to convince me of it’s truthfulness? Because you believe it to be the truth.
I have been closer to Christ in the past year than I ever was as a Mormon. I want to share that happiness with others, and just journal my progress. In addition, I want to help protect people from a religion which I believe to be based on a lie. So I show what the Mormons say, and then I show the other side to things.
April 24, 2007 at 6:16 pm
I’ve defended my faith. I am not telling you that you are not close to Christ. But, once being a Mormon, you have really misrepresented us. I guess it’s my nature. You don’t present what the Mormons say but what others say the Mormons say. . . ex. Catholic.com: Mormon authority? You’ve joined the Catholic church because you believe it to be true. If you believe it to be true then why do you not attack the Baptist, the Pentecostals, the Methodists, the list goes on, in addition the LDS church. Shouldn’t they all be wrong too?. Is it just cause you were hurt the most while in the church that you express fallicies of the church?
April 24, 2007 at 6:23 pm
You are more than welcome to defend your faith. But I do not believe that the Book of Mormon is the word of God, and I seriously doubt that anything you say will change that opinion.
I often quote Mormon doctrine, and Mormon sources. I prefer it. Quoting direct sources is a much better way to show the true teachings of the Mormon church, so when I show how they are different than Catholic teachings it makes more sense in context.
But I also use sources that are not Mormon, because there is truth about Mormonism that is not contained in Mormon teachings.
I don’t “attack” other religions because I was not raised other religions. I was raised Mormon. And I was raised with the false beliefs of that religion. I am not very good at proving the truthfulness of the Catholic religion yet because I’ve only been doing this about a year. But I am VERY good at finding evidence proving the inaccuracies and lies in the Mormon religion.
And don’t use the “You left the church because you were hurt” logic on me. I left the church because I begged and pleaded for an answer to the truthfulness of the Book of Mormon and did not get one, and could not justify spending my time, energy and money on a church I did not believe was true. I did EVERYTHING I WAS SUPPOSED TO, for a long time, and I never received the answer I wanted more than anything else in the world.
I didn’t leave the church because I was “hurt” or because I wanted to “sin.” It wasn’t because I had no friends – I only have a VERY small handful of Catholic friends, and none that I attend church with on a regular basis. But I enjoy the solitude I have with God when I am worshipping him during Mass. And I attend Mass alone, and sit by myself, and enjoy every moment of it. If I make more friends in the church, fine, but Mass isn’t about making friends or keeping busy. It’s about worshipping God and about accepting Christ’s gift of the Eucharist.
April 24, 2007 at 6:45 pm
Sorry, things appear otherwise than you stated. I am history major. Love History! If you were to read about the evolution and change of Christ’s doctrines and the primitive church through the ages to the present by the Catholic church would you read it, since you are open to both sides?
April 24, 2007 at 6:46 pm
Both sides meaning both sides of the story?
April 24, 2007 at 7:22 pm
@Peach:
I have read much of the history of the Catholic church, including some of the primative church and the evolution of the mass. I was a History major in college too, and it gave me the skills to dig into primary sources.
April 24, 2007 at 7:29 pm
The doctrinal changes in the primative and early church are one thing. But the belief of a society on this continent in which NO EVIDENCE has ever been conclusively found, is a complete other thing.
April 24, 2007 at 11:08 pm
Sweet, you’re a history major too! I’m a European emphasis. You? I would have rather been US emphasis but just happened to take more classes in European.
With your background on the history of the primitive Catholic church, what is your understanding of the mixture of Gnosticism, Platonists,Epicureanism; and the condemnation of Arianism in the Counsel of Nice. Opposing people views clashed together to figure out what the the church should belief (Nicean Creed). If the Apostles were still around, why was what Christ had once established being settled by different schools of thought?
As far as evidence here in America, we have it. There are links to the the writings in the Book of Mormon containing Jewish Chiasmus, a monetary system recorded in Alma that is still used in South America, ancient pictographs and stone carvings that depict situations out of the Book of Mormon. Even though the evidence is there you may go ahead and say that there is no link between them. I know the drill.
May 2, 2007 at 12:50 pm
Hello M2C!
I had a similar path as you with a few variations.
Was baptised Catholic, became LDS when I was 15, went to BYU and was a TBM for over 12 years. Temple endowed as well. As time went by I realised Mormonism wasnt and coulndt live up to its teachings and I found the love of Christ was more powerful than the mormon priesthood and realised there was no need for temples or the idea of being sealed to others to be a family forever. A loving God simply doesnt work that way.
I feel into the path of agnosticism for several years, until the death of Pope JP11. Had a profound experience with that when I realised just how pleased Christ was with him and all that he had done and try to do while he was the Vicar of Christ. How he helped bring His Holy Church thru and renewal and even a repentence process. (Cant see the GA’s of the LDS church ever having the backbone to admit the sins of it’s church and the weak foundation it rests on; namely the Smith and the BoM)
I digress. JP11 passing was profound to me. I knew God was pleased with His faithful servent. The 5 million people who attended his funeral was miraculous in that it was so civil and respectful. What a gathering of humans with all backgrounds.
9 months later I found myself meeting with the local pastoral associate at what would become my parish. I found myself in the RCIA program and had the time to explore with zero pressure to join (so unlike what happens with LDS missionaries). In the RCIA program I was free to ask any question, even about Catholic history. They were not afraid of my questions. They didnt evade me or try to hide the sins of past.
This past Easter Vigil I was fully initiated. (Remember I had been baptised as a baby so I really was already Catholic, just not fully initiated.)
I have never been closer to Christ. Never have worshipped like I worship now (and like I said I was a temple endowded Mormon)
Mormonism was a part of my personal spiritual journey. A stepping stone. But not the final destination.
I was happy as a Mormon. I am even more so now as a Catholic.
Its been a fantastic journey. And I am glad I am back home.
May 18, 2007 at 7:42 pm
What a story! Mine is similar, except when I prayed I received an answer. It was on my mission in Ecuador. Several experiences had convinced me to leave my mission after 4 months of service because I didn’t really know the LDS Church was true. For the first time I asked myself, “What if this is all a lie?”. Short story is I got an answer and stayed for the remainder of my 2-year mission. Returned home, went to Ricks college and BYU. Married a beautiful woman and started the stereotypical “Mormon” family.
Up until last year I was a 100% on board with the LDS Church, but then something happened. I came across a podcast called mormonstories. The author, John Dehlin, talked about many of the controversial issues in Mormon history. I listened because he was fair and truthful, not angry or bitter. It was the first time I had ever heard someone talk about those things with an attitude of wanting to understand and not a desire to attack. So I continued to listen and my testimony continued to be challenged, until finally I asked myself that very scary question for the second time in my life, “What if it’s all a lie”. I had many months of emotional pain and anger.
Well, 1 year later I’m still trying to work through that question. I have remained active because I still have a desire to believe. I have discovered that many of the “anti-Mormon” critiques of the Church have basis in fact, but not all of them hold water (i.e. rely on different interpretations of history and biblical verses). It is also apparent that if Christian Churches scrutinized their own history and doctrine as much as that of the LDS faith they would find many inconsistencies as well. With that said, there are still some things that cause me to seriously doubt. Like you, I cannot simply walk away until have thoroughly convinced myself it is not true.
May 23, 2007 at 7:13 am
Hello,mormon2catholic :
Dominus vobiscum, my dear ! I just want to encourage you in The Faith and let you know that you are on the right path. As for Peach, I believe that anyone who honestly studies the writings of the Early Church Fathers, from the time of the apostles up until the Council of Nicea, will see that Holy Mother Church has ALWAYS and EVERYWHERE believed what she believes today in re: the Holy Mass, the Blessed Virgin and the other saints, the See of Peter, and all the other essentials of Catholic teaching. Doctrine has developed as we understand God’s truth more fully– but we don’t just make up or delete stuff as we go along. “One, Holy Catholic, and Apostolic Church”…this is it, baby, and don’t you ever let anyone tell you otherwise !!
May 30, 2007 at 11:27 am
Dear M2C,Peach, Jay and whoever searches for the truth,
The most important words I gathered here in this Blog are:-
“But I enjoy the solitude I have with God when I am worshipping him during Mass. And I attend Mass alone, and sit by myself, and enjoy every moment of it. If I make more friends in the church, fine, but Mass isn’t about making friends or keeping busy. It’s about worshipping God and about accepting Christ’s gift of the Eucharist.”
============================================
This is the crux of the faith. You have found what has drawn many of us. I won’t be surprised if you end up going to mass daily. The more you receive the Body & Blood of Christ and accept His real Presence in the Holy Eucharist, the more you grow spiritually. It is His complete love (agape) which draws us to perfection.
Do read John 6 :52-70 when Christ emphasizes the importance about eating His flesh and drinking His blood in order to have eternal life.
I hear your sincerity in your search for the true faith. Many Catholics wander away and hopefully, they come home. If you type in the words “Converts to Catholicism, you will find so many stories about why people have found their way to the original (and only) Church that Christ Himself founded and never allowed the “gates of hell to prevail over it”.
Interestingly, the secret to the faith lies with Mary His mother, whom He gave to be the Mother of Mankind. She is the daughter of the Father, Mother of the Son and Spouse of the Holy Spirit. Her position, though creature like us is very pivotal and like a true compass, she lead us to Her Son.
So check out these passages:
1) Genesis 3 : 15 where enmity is set between the serpent and the woman. What would enemies (serpent)do to prevent people from being protected by their enemy? (Mary).
http://www.nccbuscc.org/nab/bible/luke/luke1.htm
2) Mary features as the inspired 15 yr old when she sings the praises of God Almighty -Luke 1 : 46-55 in what is known as the Magnificat.
Read carefully the prophecy of this 15th yr old Virgin chosen to be the Mother of Christ in Luke 1 :48 “..behold, from now on will all ages call me blessed.”
If the Bible is the truthful inspired word of God, and all the rest of what Mary said is true, then how could she have known what all ages from henceforth shall call her?
Which Church calls her “Blessed” from henceforth? Does she not then point to the Church which her Son has established and promised to protect?
3)Look at her role in the Wedding Feast of Cana. John 2 :1-11. She tells the servers, “Do whatever He tells you.”
No one there knew of Christ’s hidden powers except His mother. They wouldn’t have appealed to Him directly to help them out of their embarassment of having no more wine. The appeal (and intercession on their behalf) is done by Mary. She doesn’t take over from Jesus ..she tells us to do whatever He tells us.
4)Mary did not just give birth to Him and that’s the end of her role. She was even present at the foot of the Cross and at Pentecost. His sorrow is her sorrow. The original translation (Douay Rheims Bible) was “My soul magnifies the Lord.” She reflects the Lord and is His first and most perfect disciple.
5)In the last book of the Bible …..the Book of Revelation 12 : 1-2, she is seen as the “woman clothed with the sun, with the moon under her feet, and 12 stars on her head”. Note the fury of the dragon in Rev. 12 : 17 “And the dragon was angry against the woman: and went to make war with the rest of her seed, who keep the commandments of God, and have the testimony of Jesus Christ. War made against all her offsprings…(us) – by baptism, we who are made children of God are brothers and sisters of Christ whose Mother becomes our Mother.
Finally, for the Biblical discourse about families and spousal relationships after death, (which my hearsay about Mormon beliefs in the families staying together after death, read Luke 20:27-39. Jesus was questioned about whose wife was she who having been widowed 7 times married the 7 brothers. Jesus answered them, “The men and women of this age marry, but the men and women who are worthy to rise from death and live in the age to come will neither marry or be given in marriage, and they can no longer die; for they are like the angels. They are the children of God, because they have risen from death. And Moses clearly proves that the dead are raised to life. In the passage about the burning bush he speaks of the Lord as ‘the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob.’ He is the God of the living, not of the dead, for to him all are alive.”
Peach, It is not just about majoring in history or being angry with being rejected. (although I think M2C is thankful she was rejected). It is about the searching for the truth, (Jay talks about searching too)which is revealed to the humble and the earnest and M2C really tries to do the right thing. Read again the Magnificat, Luke 1:48 “For he (God) has looked upon his handmaid’s (Mary) lowliness” (humility.)
All of us as humans have blind spots or scales in front of our eyes. We must pray to be shown the way. M2C did show her desire to be a good Mormon but was touched by Christ Himself in the Holy Eucharist in the Catholic Church. Go and do explore too. Ask the Holy Spirit to guide you. If you ask Mary, His Mother, she will definitely guide you to her Son.
God bless you all and may the Gifts of the Holy Spirit of truth, inspire us with knowledge, wisdom & understanding and a holy awe of the Lord
June 4, 2007 at 6:41 pm
Hi, mormon2catholic:
I agree with James Arrington’s message. There is only one true church established by Christ and that is the one that He spoke of in the bible, the Holy Catholic Church. Most of the over 300 different protestant and other “Christian” churches around today started since 1500 A.D. which was the time that Martin Luther left the Catholic church and became a heretic, false teacher. That started the cycle of heresy in the Christian world. Every protestant and non-Catholic church that exists today started based on some sort of false teaching and/or because someone wanted to start a new religion because they were not satisfied in the churches that existed.
As far as what Peach says about the changes in Doctrine of the Catholic church, is the oldest trick in the book used by anti-Catholics. The bottom line is, the Roman Catholic Church is THE one and only church started by Christ, with St. Peter being the first pope. There was no apostasy, nor was the church or gospel taken off of the earth at any time in history since the resurrection of Jesus Christ. If anyone believes this, then they are calling Christ a liar, because Jesus said in the bible to the Apostle Peter that He would build his church on this rock (St. Peter) and the gates of hell would not prevail. So if the Lord has allowed to Catholic Church to fall in error, or allowed an apostasy then Christ is a liar because the gates of hell would have prevailed against His church and none of us should believe in Him. But the truth is that the Roman Catholic church has not fallen in error, and is the only Church on the face of this earth where one can receive divine faith (believing something on the authority of God, without a doubt or hesitating)and without divine faith there is no salvation.
I too, am in the process of leaving the Mormon church, I don’t go anymore, but those LDS won’t leave me alone. I sometimes allow them to visit because I have this small hope that I will keep saying enough about the false teaching of the LDS church that will at least get them to “thinking.” Before joining the LDS 15 years ago, I was a Catholic. I had went through RCIA in my early twenties and then somewhere after that, I must have lost my mind and joined the LDS church. I have been restless every since. I have even tried other Protestant churches in my process of leaving the LDS church and still wasn’t at peace with God.
Now since I have started going to Mass every Sunday, I have felt a peace around me that I haven’t felt in a long time.
Keep the faith. God Bless.
June 5, 2007 at 8:36 pm
Jackie,
I don’t think you lost your mind when you joinned the LDS Church. There are many answers to questions that you just don’t find in orthodox Christianity. The LDS Church has many good points, even if there are things that are hard to understand.
If you really want members to stop coming by you have to go to your local Bishop and ask for your name to be removed from the records of the LDS Church. Otherwise you can expect a periodic visit from someone. This may be a hastle, but it’s the only sure way. Just letting you know in case you are serious about breaking ties. Good luck in your spiritual journey!
August 7, 2007 at 10:14 pm
Hebrews 13:8. Jesus Christ, yesterday, and today: and the same for ever.