Final thoughts and last post

So as you might have noticed, my life has moved forward and I don’t blog much anymore. I really feel like I need to give some closure to the fans of the blog and my writing as they’ve been so good and loyal and supportive to me.

In a nutshell, I’m now pretty much attending the Dallas Tridentine Mass exclusively. I go almost every Sunday, although I am a bad Catholic in that I miss church once in a while. I’m happy with that decision. My husband and I are in our sixth year of wedded bliss. Our jobs are fine, and our hobbies and pastimes are fun and fulfilling.

My life has simply moved in another direction and blogging about my Catholic experiences has taken a back seat to more pressing personal matters.

But I do realize that my journey has been quite unique, and I want to keep these posts intact so that others who are seeking the truth about Mormonism, or are considering converting from Mormonism to Catholicism will have my experiences to learn from.

Again, thank you to all of my readers in the past and who may stumble upon this blog while searching for information about Mormonism and Catholicism. It’s been almost two years since the start of my journey and yet it feels like decades. It’s been a great ride, and I look forward to even more interesting adventures in the future.

Here is a collection of some of my better posts, for people to enjoy:

Personal Views of Mormonism throughout my journey

• Responding to a commenter – The place of Mormonism in my heart after converting to Catholicism
• Why I left the Mormon church
• How to help someone out of the Mormon church
• Why I’m Afraid I’ll Make a Bad Catholic
• The parable of the Cookie
• Adding Gravitas to the Nicene Creed – Stephen Colbert and Catholicism
• Passion

Memories of Mormonism

• Pre-Blessed Food
• Going to Bapist Vacation Bible School as a Mormon child
• Emo Phillips
• Mothers’ Day in the Singles Ward

My baptism

• My first post – The Journey Begins
• RCIA – Day 1
• Why Catholicism?
• My Confirmation Name
• Part I
• Part II

Mormonism and Catholicism

• Similarities between Catholic Rites and the Mormon Temple Ceremony
• The words to my Patriarchal blessing
• “Burning in the Bosom”
• Catholics make good Mormons, but do Mormons make good Catholics?
• Struggling with True Believing Mormons in the comments of this blog
• What happens when you die? Mormons vs Catholics

M2C Mailbag

• Ex-mo’s getting over their “fear” of crosses
• Should I let my daughter go to Beehive camp?
• Catholics dating Mormons

The Godhead vs the Trinity

• Part I – Definition of “Godhead” and “Trinity”
• Part II – More definition of the nature of Christ
• Part III – Relationship With Christ?

Rethinking “The Book Of Mormon Challenge”

• Part I
• Part II
• Part III
• Another thought on the Challenge

 

My veil is here!

I got my veil today, and it’s SO nice! It stays on my head easily with no bobby pins! YAY! I hate those stupid bobby pins.

 

The “Book of Mormon” Challenge? Part III

Here is the final collection of refutes of this popular challenge by Hugh Nibley, from this site, with commentary and additional reference links added.

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21. Your record is to fulfil many Bible prophecies, even in the exact manner in which it shall come forth, to whom delivered, its purposes, and its accomplishments.

Since Biblical prophecy is an inexact science, to put it mildly, it is a fairly simple matter to find a Bible verse that can be re-interpreted to fit your own conclusions. The Muslims have found Bible prophecies of Mohammed; the Baha’is have found Bible prophecies of Baha’u'llah. The list is endless.

22. Call down an angel from heaven in the middle of the day and have him bear testimony to four honest, dignified citizens of your community that the record is the word of God. These witnesses must bear the angel’s testimony to the world, not for profit or gain, but under great sacrifice and severe persecution, even to their death beds. You must put that testimony to the test by becoming an enemy to these men.

Firstly, what we have here is secondhand information, at best. We have no way of knowing whether these men actually saw the angel, or if they were simply mistaken, or if they were dishonest.

Secondly, the Book of Mormon is by no means the only book to contain such a testimony. A former follower of Smith, James Strang, founded his own breakaway sect of Mormonism after the death of Joseph, and produced his own ‘translation’ of the brass plates of Laban, known as The Book of the Law of the Lord. This book includes a testimony of seven witnesses, to the effect that they saw and handled the plates from which the book was translated. Following the logic of the LDS church regarding the power of such a testimony, they should have canonized The Book of the Law of the Lord a long time ago.

23. Thousands of great men, intellectual giants, national and international personalities, and scholars for 125 years must accept your history and its teachings even to the point of laying down their life rather than deny their testimony of it.

Again, this is true of a great many sects and faiths. The followers of Baha’u'llah, known as the Baha’is, were mercilessly persecuted by the Muslim majority in Persia about the turn of the century. The sect still thrives today, with several million members worldwide, and despite the fact that persecution still continues in Muslim countries such as Iran.

24. You must include within the record this promise: "And when ye shall receive these things, I would exhort you that ye would ask God the Eternal Father, in the name of Christ, if these are not true; and if ye shall ask with a sincere heart, with real intent, having faith in Christ, He will manifest the truth of it unto you by the power of the Holy Ghost."

How difficult is it to include such a promise in a text?

25. Missionaries must bear record to the world for the next 125 years that they know the record to be true because they put the promise to the test and found it to be true. The truth of it was manifested to them by the power of the Holy Ghost.

26. Over 50,000 plus competent salesman must be so sold on your book that they gladly give up two or more years of their lives to take it to all parts of the world for distribution. They not only pay their own way during these years, but return bearing testimony that the time spent will remain as one of the highlights of their lives. They receive nothing in return for their efforts but the joy of having shared your book with others.

27. Your book must not only raise the standards of millions of people but do it in such a way that they become one of the great moral, ethical, and dynamic marvels of the day. They must become world renowned for this.

Once more, the missionary effort of the LDS church is by no means unique. Believers of all stripes and shapes feel compelled to share their faith, often at great personal cost. One is often reminded of the poor Jehovah’s Witnesses, who faithfully pound the sidewalks every day, often greeted with nothing more than a slammed door or a harsh word.

As for the Book of Mormon raising the moral standard of its followers, this too is not unique to Mormonism. The whole point of religion is to exhort mankind to live a better life.

28. For the next 20 years you must watch those that follow and you, your family, and the dearest of your loved ones
persecuted, driven time after time from their homes, beaten, tortured, starved, frozen and killed. Tens of thousands must undergo the most extreme hardships in your presence just because they believe you claims concerning the origin and content of what you have written on ancient Tibet.

This is a repetition of point 23.

29. You must gain no wealth from your work, but many time lose all that you have. Like those that believe you, you must submit yourself to the most vile persecution. And finally after 20 years of this, give your own life in a very savage and brutal manner, for your testimony concerning your history book. This must be done willingly on your part.

There are other rewards beside monetary. Joseph Smith may have suffered financially, but he posessed that which all people crave – power, and the blind respect and admiration of his followers. Many would gladly suffer personal hardship in order to gain such a following.

30. Start right now and produce this record which covers 2600 years of history, doing it, not in the peaceful
atmosphere of your community, but under the most trying of circumstances which include being driven from your home several
times, and receiving constant threats upon your life. Please have your book completed, talk a friend into mortgaging his farm to
raise money to have it printed – all in 60 days.

The claim that the Book of Mormon was completed in sixty days is not the whole story. The actual dictation lasted from April 7, 1829 to early in July – some eighty days, give or take. However, this does not mean that Smith only had those eighty days in which to think about the narrative. He had actually begun the task more than a year earlier, first with Emma Smith, and then with Martin Harris as scribe. The result was 116 pages of the Book of Mormon, all of which were subsequently lost when Martin Harris was allowed to take the pages home to show his disbelieving family. The point is that there was nothing to stop Smith from at least thinking about the Book of Mormon story in that inbetween year. He may even have made some notes.

Conclusion

As we have seen, a number of these points are completely irrelevant to the historicity of the Book of Mormon, others are easily duplicated by other works of fiction, and still other points do not apply to the Book of Mormon, such as archeological accuracy. We therefore find no compelling reason to suspect that the Book of Mormon had a supernatural origin: instead we find that it fits very well with the more mundane theory – that the Book originated solely in the mind of Joseph Smith.

 

Long Dark Tea Time of the Soul

It’s been a struggle this Lent to commit to the prayers and sacrifices that I wanted to. I’ve done ok with the No Meat thing, which was my “food” sacrifice, but I’ve been an utter failure with all additions to my prayer life.

I suppose it’s time for a little confession. I signed up for this class at the Cathedral that they were teaching, a Catechism for Adults kind of thing. I went to one class, and then the next two Tuesdays I worked late and wasn’t able to go, so I just stopped going. I feel very bad about that. And about the same time, I started going to church at St. Jude instead. It’s … a little better than it used to be. He only tells one joke now, and they’ve got a new Cantor and the place is pretty full. It’s super convenient, but that’s one of the problems. It’s convenient. But not very developing. It’s more like being a maintenance Catholic instead of a growing Catholic.

I’m sure if I went to the Cathedral, I’d be just fine and no one would judge me and whatnot. I just feel guilty for wussing out on the class.

And I feel guilty because for so long, I was seeing progress in my Catholicism. And lately, I just haven’t been motivated to putting in the work to grow in my relationship with Christ and with the church. I feel the comfort in going to church, and the security of knowing that it is there for me when I’m ready, but I just feel … dry. Don’t know how else to describe it.

I still feel the draw to go to the Tridentine Mass. I think I’ll go next week.

 

New blogger is finicky

I was wanting to blog the other day, but there’s something about the Blogger Beta that doesn’t work at work. Maybe it can’t get past the firewalls. I’m not sure.

Being a member of the Cathedral Guadalupe parish, I found this NY Times article quite interesting:

Nuevo Catholics – The Hispanicization of American Catholicism

My parish is I’m sure at least 95% Catholic. I’d be willing to guess that 60%+ of the parishioners at the Noon mass, the one I normally attend, is of Hispanic origin, and the Spanish-speaking masses are always amazingly overfilled. The dedication to the Virgin at the Cathedral is amazing. If you want to see dedication and beauty, come to church around December 13th, the feast day of the Virgin Guadalupe. The stage of the church, a very large area, is completely covered with roses and carnations and every kind of flower. The smell is amazing.

My church is affected by its Spanish-speaking members in other ways, too. I’ve read that the Cathedral has the second-highest weekly mass attendance in the country next to St. Patrick’s Cathedral in New York. We have one English and one Spanish Vigil mass, and on Sunday, we have two English and four Spanish masses. At the 3p mass, they have a mariachi band that plays. Virtually all of the programs are for Spanish-speaking members. There are many social services that are available for Spanish-speaking members, such as tax assistance, tutoring, and special dancing and choral groups. There is an English speaking choir that sings at the Noon mass, and for the first time, an English study group is going to be forming in January, and I am very excited about that.

I had a commenter ask why I like the Cathedral as opposed to the other places I have tried going to church. Well, first of all, the Cathedral has the big benefit of being the closest Catholic church near me. Parking is a nightmare, but my husband drops me off and picks me up, which is not a huge inconvenience because it’s so close to our loft. Secondly, the church is fairly moderate. It’s not too liberal, like the guitar masses at Holy Family of Nazereth. I wish it rang bells when the sacrament was served, like St. Thomas Aquinas does.

Other than St. Jude, there haven’t been any churches I’ve just flat out disliked. Each had their benefit. Holy Trinity has an excellent choir. St. Thomas Aquinas has a very orthodox view and lots of programs for English-speakers. It’s just so far away – 15-20 minutes through busy city streets is a very annoying drive for me.

I absolutely loved going to the Tridentine Masses. But the problem is that it is a VERY tiny chapel, and I always felt like I was taking up space there that was best suited for someone more devoted to the traditional liturgy.

The homilies at the Cathedral are also pretty good – not too “God is Love” fluff, actual thought-out homilies. The Deacons and the priests both put a lot of preparation into their weekly thoughts. I miss Father Ramone’s sermons. We have a Dominican priest at the Cathedral now, though, which I really like. I like the way that Dominicans preach, and it makes me happy to have one in my parish.

The Cathedral has many different advantages over St. Jude. First, it has a choir at the Noon mass, and music is a big part of how the Mass takes me out of the mundane world and brings me into a more spiritual realm. The priest at St. Jude tells jokes, which to me is an insult to the Liturgy of the Word. There’s a difference between having a line in a homily that induces a snicker and putting in a “So two priests are walking on a golf field” joke. From what I understand, it’s very popular for many of the parishioners, but I find it’s not my taste.

One thing I like about the Cathedral over St. Jude is that at the Cathedral I can receive both the body and blood of Christ. St. Jude stopped serving both species when the Dominicans left.

I think what it boils down to is that after much thought and much prayer, I kept being pointed to the Cathedral over and over. I don’t know why I’m supposed to be there yet, but I know that the Cathedral is where I am supposed to be. It’s hard to describe – kind of a gut feeling about the whole thing. I know that’s where I’m supposed to be, so I don’t fight it.

I do know that if St. Jude ever gets a new priest, and I still live downtown, and if he’s halfway decent, I will most probably switch to going to St. Jude. But I just find the new priest intolerable with his jokes.

 

St. Jude Chapel makes me sad

Have you ever seen a boyfriend/girlfriend/close friend that you used to be really tight with, but have been apart from for quite some time? There is still a sense of intimacy, of familiarity, but there’s just something that really reminds you “you can’t go home again.”

I went to St. Jude chapel today. Being there makes me so deeply sad. There are parts of me that still love so much about that chapel. I have a very special bond with that chapel – it’s the chapel where I solidified my love for the Catholic church. I spent many intimate hours with Christ there, worshiping him at the tabernacle as I prayed or meditated or worshiped during Mass. Going there always makes me feel comfortable and safe. For a bit.

And then the priest walks in. He walked in today at 12p, no vestments (the mass starts at 12:10p). The “lighting” of the second Advent candle was comprised of the priest sticking a velcro candle flame onto a banner hanging from the front of the altar. While they have managed to get a new cantor, no one sang. No one at all.

The priest has yet to stop his amazingly annoying habit of saying a joke before his homily. Here’s how his homily started out: A man finds out that he has leukemia. He decides to fulfill his life’s dream and become a painter in the short while he has left on this earth. He gives his paintings to a gallery to sell. He calls the gallery a little later in the week, and asks if the paintings sold. The gallery owner says, I have some good news and some bad news. The painter asks to hear the good news first. The gallery owner said that someone looked at the paintings and asked if they would be worth more when the painter died, I said yes, and he bought every one of your paintings. And the bad news, asked the painter? The gallery owner said, the man was your doctor. Now, it was supposed to be a joke, I’m sure, but out of the pews came this huge “Awwwww ….” It was hilarious!

At any rate, it breaks my heart. It used to taste like spiritual Steak to me, and now it tastes like cold Chicken McNuggets.

I have found that I do enjoy going to the Cathedral. I’ve been going there for months now. I’ve made a few friends. Now that I’m a member of the congregation, however, some of the flaws are more apparent. But I still go, as I feel like it’s where I need to be spiritually.

 

Hello from the Ghost Blog

Hello everyone! I got a comment today asking if everything was Ok with me, so I thought I’d give a quick note telling everyone how I am.

Let’s see, where was I? Oh yeah … after a couple of months of church hopping and a month at the Tridentine Mass, I started going to the Cathedral every week. It’s a nice church. I still hate going to confession there because the priest doesn’t speak hardly any English. But the masses are Ok.

This week, I didn’t feel like dealing with the parking garage down at the Cathedral, so I went to St. Jude Chapel for the first time in 2-3 months. Things were … a little better than last time I went. The chapel was pretty full this time, the cantor was back (apparently she had been on some kind of European tour), and the priest kept it to one joke in his homily. I just hate going into the Nicene Creed after the priest ends the homily on a joke. And not a very funny joke. He transitioned from suffering into a long spiel about the yearly CCA fundraiser. The “goal” of the fundraiser is to raise $53,000. Whatever they don’t raise comes straight from the chapel coffers. I hate that the diocese puts that kind of pressure on that little chapel. Last year they threatened to shut down the chapel if there wasn’t enough money. There was a generous donor who came through in a pinch to cover almost all of the debt (who, by the way, is no longer there), but it’s scary to think the diocese could pull that stunt again.

On personal news, my husband broke his arm a few weeks ago in a bicycle accident, but it looks like he’s healing fine. My job is still eh, but what are you gonna do, you know? I have been accepted into the MBA program at Texas A&M Commerce – Universities Center campus, but I have to wait until my job stabalizes to start taking classes – apparently a year and a half of “special projects” has made my job very unstable. Every time I start a project, I’m told “We’re not sure what we’re going to do with you when this is over.” I’m ready for them to say “We know you’re Special Projects, so we won’t worry about your job we’ll just keep you.”

My spiritual life is very quiet. I do my day to day things, but it doesn’t permeate my life like it did when I was investigating. I know it is right, and right for me, and I pray and do what I am supposed to do. I go to church every Sunday, although I haven’t gone to a Daily Mass in weeks, not like I did when I first was baptized. I have a side hobby now which occupies much of my Internet time, so I don’t get on the Catholic boards much.

My husband and I are still delightfully happy, and he’s still very sweet. Today it started raining after Mass started, and my husband walked down to the chapel with an umbrella so I wouldn’t have to walk home in the rain. My husband rocks.

Anyway, so I’m not dead. Just quiet.

 

Surreal experience at the Cafe Brazil

After church last Sunday, my husband and I went to Cafe Brazil on Cedar Springs for some tasty migas. (There’s still a little Mormon part of me that feels guilty eating out on Sunday. Is that keeping the Sabbath day holy? I’ve never heard anything about that on the pulpit since being Catholic, nor have I read about it. I’m not sure.)

Anyway, so my husband and I were sitting there, and started hearing the words Mormon over our shoulder. In our little area of the restaurant, we could hear the two people sitting next to us having a “get to know each other” type of conversation over their breakfast. The gentleman started slowly divulging his past. He was born in Salt Lake City, BIC (“born in the covenant”, meaning his parents were sealed in the temple before he was born – basically a “cradle Mormon”), married in the Temple, divorced, married multiple times, and now he was gay. It was interesting hearing his stories about how his family would not let him see his children after he came out and the struggles he has had since coming out. (He was kind of loud, and verbose. I’m really not that nosey).

It made me think of how my life has journeyed since leaving the Mormon church. When I first left I was passionately anti-Mormon. Most ex-Mormons who left because of doctrinal differences get this way for a while. It’s a good way to vent the feelings of anger and betrayal that most exMo’s have. I then was agnostic for years, but still trying to find a “center” in all of it. I learned about wicca for a while, and went through a wild phase. In my mid-20’s, I came back to the church for a bit, and felt more hollowed and betrayed after I left again than before I came back in.

It’s odd how my Mormon past comes back to haunt me in odd ways and in the weirdest times. Like the breakfast thing earlier. Is it a sin to eat out? I don’t know. I feel mischievous sometimes when I drink a Coke. I’ve never had guilt drinking tea since leaving the church, but I still get a thrill every time I drink a Coke. I don’t do it often, but when I do I feel like the kid who swiped a cookie when their mom wasn’t looking. I still am very reserved about cussing in public and have an overdeveloped sense of public dignity. I can spot a missionary a mile away, and my husband has gotten where he spots them too. On random occasions and with no provocation, I get “Popcorn Popping on the Apricot Tree” stuck in my head.

It’s odd hearing how much hurt ex-Mormons have about the betrayal that they feel when they leave the church. I could hear the obvious hurt in that diner’s voice, about how he could not visit his children because of the Bishop, and how his family had shunned him. One of my favorite blogs is Joseph’s Left One, an exMo whose family is still strongly entrenched in the Mormon church. Other than talking to my best friend (whose family is still all Mormon but him), and my mom, I don’t have anyone talking about Mormonism to me. It’s pretty much behind me. But he’s dealing with it on a daily basis. His wife is feeling pain because of his loss of testimony.

It’s so confusing being an exMormon. I’ve been getting a lot of random out-of-the-blue comments about my blog from what I assume are God-Fearing active Mormons. Most of the comments are like, “If you’d just feel the spirit, you’d still be Mormon” and “why do you criticize the church, you don’t know what you’re talking about!” Things like that. What is the point of criticism like this? Do they think they’re going to guilt me back into the church? “Oh my Gosh, I was lost, but then this person said I was making false assumptions about the church and all I need to do is pray and I’ll come back. Why didn’t I think of that?? I’ll go pray right now!” What good do they think that negativity is going to do me? Or them? Does it make them feel better to put down people with differing opinions than them? It’s one thing to share personal feelings about something in one’s blog or in one’s circle of friends. It’s a totally different thing to go into someone else’s home or blog uninvited and attack them for their beliefs.

I was asked by someone whose opinion I greatly respect if I brought anything good out of Mormonism. I thought about it for quite a bit. And you know, I did. Some of my best memories from my tween and teen years were with my Mormon friends. I met my best friend at a Mormon church, and my life wouldn’t be the same without him. I learned lots of homemaking skills, like how to iron a shirt and how to cook. I learned how to study, and I learned how to defend my beliefs by learning everything I could about a subject. Much of my family is still Mormon and they have not had the kind of amazingly hurtful things happen to them that I have read about on the RFM boards (well, that’s not totally true, but they were able to move past the hurtful things and remain faithful members).

But doing this evaluation made me realize something else – I learned nothing about God while Mormon. Everything I learned was false, based on the claims of someone whom I have come to believe is a liar, and the things I did learn didn’t move me with passion. The temple was boring (and heartbreaking – it kept getting thrown in my face how single people were less worthy than married people and I hated that), sacrament meeting was amateur hour. Fellowshipping for me simply didn’t exist. Doing endowment sessions didn’t move me nearly as much as attending Mass and receiving the Eucharist does now. Every single Sunday I look forward to communing with God in the most intimate way possible. I looked forward to the Temple because I liked dressing up, and feeling like I was doing what God wanted me to do. But I never felt close to God. I always walked out of there feeling lonely. Every time. I often cried in the Celestial Room because I couldn’t understand that if I was supposed to be doing God’s work, why did I feel so alone? When I’m in Mass, praying in front of the Tabernacle, I never feel alone, even though sometimes I’m there by myself.

And here’s another thing – I love being Catholic. I love going to Mass, I love hearing the homilies, I love receiving the Eucharist. I love wearing my St. Benedict medal, and I love praying the Rosary before Mass. I love blessing my food before I eat, and I love learning about saints. I love the feeling I have when I pray to God in gratefulness for the sacrifice that Christ made for me. I love the calm, centered feeling that I have now, whether I’m in church or whether I’m sitting at work. Sometimes it washes over me in waves and makes me just genuinely happy about life. I love feeling my prayers, if that makes sense. It’s all so good. It’s like being raised on fast food, and then being introduced to Vietnamese Pho, and Enchiladas, and Spaghetti, and Chinese Stir-fry. There’s a world of good things out there that exist outside of the circle of Mormonism, and I’m experiencing all of them that I can.

 

Always with you

From my favorite comic, Toothpaste For Dinner

 

Hot in herre

Hello all! So answer your questions yes, I am still Catholic. I’ve been attending the Tridentine Mass for about a month now. I’m still leaning towards going there. The only problem that I have with the experience is that it’s in a beautiful but tiny little chapel. I usually get there before 9a for the 9:30a service. The rosary starts at 9a, and every pew is full by the second decade every week. Then people start squeezing in, and then men start giving up their seats to women, so the chapel is lined with men. It’s crazy how packed that little chapel gets.

It seems like each pew has already been “claimed” by a family who sits there every week. And there’s maybe 24 pews total that seat 4 adults each. The first few Sundays I ended up sitting on the same pew as a family of 5 (one baby), which was pretty tight but not too bad. Last week I ventured out a bit and moved over to another aisle, only to be told that the choir sits there. I thought I had sat up enough not to be in the choir seats, but I was mistaken. I don’t know where I can claim “my” seat in that chapel.

And apparently it’s hard to keep the place cool when it’s packed to the gills with people. Last Sunday it was over 90 degrees outside when church started. As soon as I walked into the church, I felt the heavy, hot air surround me. And it got progressively worse as the place started to fill up. Men in formal shirts had huge sweat stains, and babies were pink from the heat, their little hair matted up from the sweat. It was very old school.

It’s uncomfortable enough being crowded in a cool building, but to be packed in like sardines in a hot chapel was almost more than I could bear. I offered it up the best I could.

Now, I’ll endure sweltering heat and awkward seating situations to be able to worship in such a sacred and spiritual environment. But I don’t want to feel self-conscious while I’m there because I’m afraid I’m sitting in someone else’s seat or that I’m crowding a family who has always sat in the same pew.